Revolutionary Agreements - Revolutionary News

History: "I know this won't work; I've tried it." "I'll never forgive her." "I'm not good enough." "I'm still scared." Resentments, anger and fears rooted in the past keep us stuck, unable to enjoy the present.

Mystery: "I can't make time for you/the kids/making love/me today if I'm going to be ready for next week/year/when I retire." Blaming the unknown, imagined future, we take actions (or not) based on fear, and give ourselves excuses for not being here, now, to fully enjoy this moment and be all that we can today.

Now: Fewer of us live with hearts and minds fully present in this moment. My husband, Glenn, is one of these people. For him, it comes naturally; for me it is a practice. And it is well worth it: only when I am present am I able to live my mission to enjoy my life and experience love in every moment.

When I am present, I feel a special peacefulness. When I am present, I delight in the connection between you and me, and all of life. When I am present, I see you in your full radiance and hear you to the depth of your being. I feel our common bond, our union through the Divine, and my heart fills with the joy of being alive, together, at this very moment.

African cultural diplomat and musician, Babatunde Olatunji, said it beautifully:

To practice the final Revolutionary Agreement, "I Agree to Lighten Up," does not require becoming a stand-up comic, but one who comes hither, delights in smelling the roses, alights at the foot of the speaker, and gives the greatest gift of all: presence. Try it today! (How about now?)

Agreements in Action
Your stories are the heart of the positive revolution. Keep them coming!

Playing T.A.G. Ends Three-Year Feud

Edward R. Lueders is a property damage appraiser for Colorado. His four children and granddaughter know him as Fast Eddie, Dad and Gramps. He shares a story about swallowing his pride and using the Agreements to re-create a relationship with his former wife and bring a family back together.

My ex-wife and I divorced 30 years ago. It was messy and unpleasant for our entire family. Although we saw each other at family functions involving the kids, it was clear we did not enjoy the other's company.

Three years ago an argument erupted and became nasty. Angry words went back and forth until I ended it by severing all contact with her. I vowed never to be in the same space with her or speak with her by phone unless it was an emergency involving one of our kids.

Repercussions of this feud affected more than the two of us. My eldest daughter couldn't plan parties and family gatherings for our granddaughter without agonizing over whom to invite--me or her mother. We alternated going to school and family events and communicated through our daughter.

Two events occurred that changed my perspective on my embittered relationship. First, Landmark Education's Curriculum For Living helped me to get in touch with how dragging my past around affected my ability to live in the present. Two, my current wife brought home the Revolutionary Agreements. Here was a simple and clear map of choices for living. Several agreements stood out: "Look within when I react," "Respect our differences," "Speak my truth, with compassion," and "Lighten Up!"

Before I called my ex-wife, I took a deep breath. I noticed my palms were sweating. I spoke to her truthfully and without blame. I accepted responsibility for my own reactions and I requested that we consider starting over so that our children and granddaughter could see both of us at important family gatherings. When there was no response, I thought, "I blew it, she hung up." Actually, she was crying and when she could speak she said, "I thought you would never talk to me again; you don't know what your call means to me."

When I could stop my own tears, we had one of the better conversations we've had in years. My willingness to "get off it" and lighten up allowed my ex-wife the freedom to do the same. On the one hand, I feel like I wasted three years; on the other, I am grateful that I have many more good years to look forward to with the whole family.

Sigrid Farwell, LPC, is a teacher, counselor, wife, mother, grandmother and playwright, and founding member of the Geneva Group*. Children are truly her passion and she has written and directed two children's musicals. Sigrid@adelphia.net *(See Note 2, page 171 of Revolutionary Agreements for background on Geneva Group.)

Although all the Agreements are key ingredients to my life, "Resolve Conflicts Directly" partnered with "Speak My Truth With Compassion" remind me of two stories where using these Agreements created significantly better outcomes.

Story 1
My three sisters and I used to gossip quite a bit. It didn't take me long to recognize the lack of integrity here and no one seemed inclined to address the issue directly with the target of these conversations. Finally, I simply refused to participate. Our youngest sister asked me about it and I told her truthfully, "I just can't see how anything positive can come from gossiping behind someone's back. If we aren't willing to say the same things to her face, then we should not be saying them behind her back." Speaking my truth did not diminish my sisters' love for me and they respected my position. As a result the "gossip fests" are mostly a thing of the past, especially when I am around.

Story 2
I used to expect my husband to "read my feelings." I was more of a "people pleaser" and preferred to drop hints about what I wanted and rarely spoke directly to the issue. Both my husband and I came from similar backgrounds where showing anger or displeasure meant, "You don't love me." It took time to make the Agreements "Speak My Truth With Compassion" with "Resolve Conflicts Directly" a consistent component to our relationship and the results are well worth it. Our marriage is stronger and more honest. Our relationship not only survives, it thrives because our communications are direct, truthful and respectful of each other's point of view.

Kalama Hochreiter is an MSW, Reiki Master, and faculty consultant at the University of Arizona for the Associate Fellow Program in Integrative Medicine.http://kalama5.byregion.net and www.jackettechnique.com.

Last summer I contacted Hans de Waard of the Netherlands, who had developed a new technique for releasing the past, called The Jacket Technique®. During the phone call, I learned that he had never visited the U.S. He asked, “Would you be willing to be my American contact and help me get started in the U.S.?” After successfully sampling his technique long distance, I agreed to work with Hans and began a partnership that eventually launched the first U.S. workshop in Tucson.

Throughout this experience, challenges presented themselves while working with a European teacher who spoke a different native language. We had conflicting ideas on how to best organize a workshop for an American audience. I had many opportunities to practice the Agreements -- especially looking within when I react, respecting our differences and listening with my heart. I recognized we had similar goals, but different visions of how to get there. I continued to look within and found a way to create a place of mutual respect that met both of our needs.

This experience has provided tremendous growth for me, having recently completed the practitioner training; and I am enjoying assisting others with this remarkable healing method. I am grateful to Hans, and especially grateful for my practice of the Agreements which have become such a huge part of my life, enabling me to truly live my mission.

Love Notes

Revolutionary Agreements is a wonderful guide to a fulfilling and loving life in the world. It takes the great movements for peace and justice of the '60s and translates that impulse into sustainable action to transform ourselves and society. It will empower millions of us to model the change we want to see in the world. —Barbara Marx Hubbard

—Barbara Marx Hubbard, leading futurist, international speaker and author of Emergence; first woman nominee for Vice-President of the United States (at the 1984 Democratic National Convention). www.evolve.org

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Wednesdays, June 15 – July 20, 7:30- 9:30 p.m., Boulder, CO: Columbine Unity Church. Six-week program on "How To Create More Freedom and Joy In Our Lives and Our World" using Revolutionary Agreements. The course is FREE and donations are lovingly accepted. Books may be purchased at the Columbine bookstore for participants who do not have a copy. To register or find out more about the program, call the facilitators: Carol Hoskins at 303-661-9697 or Susan Gallagher at 303-443-1599.

July (date and time TBD), Kauai, HI: Mini-seminar by Marian & book signing sponsored by Rosemary Smith of Rosewood Realty. For details: 808-822-5216 (office) or 808-822-9532 (home)

Thursdays, July 14 – August 18, Lafayette, CO: New Horizons Church of Religious Science. Six-week program on "How To Create More Freedom and Joy In Our Lives and Our World" using Revolutionary Agreements. $50/six weeks or $10/session. To register or find out more about the program, call the facilitators: Carol Hoskins at 303-661-9697 or Kate Birky at 303-412-0871.

Sunday, August 21, Ventura, CA: Ventura County Church of Religious Science. Marian is the guest speaker at the 9:30 a.m. service. For more information call Susan Seale: 805-643-1933.

Thursdays, Sept 1 – Oct. 6, Ventura, CA: Ventura County Church of Religious Science. Six-week course on "How To Create More Freedom and Joy In Our Lives and Our World" using Revolutionary Agreements. To register or find out more about the program, call the facilitators: Susan or Bill Seale, 805-643-1933.

An Iroquois mentor once reminded me that I was 100% responsible for what I say and 50% responsible for what the listener hears me say. By nature I am someone who tries to keep everyone around me happy. You could say I prefer calm waters. Ripples, however, are part of life and I realize that I have choice: I can create small waves… or tsunamis. If I wait too long to resolve a conflict, my truth sometimes pounds the listener like a tidal wave, with potentially disastrous results for us both. When I apply the Agreements, resolving conflicts quickly with truth and compassion, no one gets drowned; instead I become the proverbial pebble that creates far-reaching ripples of Truth, Acceptance and Gratitude.

I was having fun with the 12 Agreements,
And T.A.G. was the game of the day.
I looked for the best and counted my blessings.
I was light and remembered to play.

I was all gung ho about speaking my truth,
I was eager to try this one out.
So I went to a gal with whom I had issues
And in her face I did shout.

Well, my little black eye is beginning to heal
And the bruise is fading to yellow.
I forgot to add the compassion to truth.
It's a lesson that's made me quite mellow.

I looked within because I reacted.
The gal looked within as well.
We started again with heart and eyes open
Now everything's groovy and swell.

We both speak the truth and it's really OK
That our views are not always the same.
As long as our tone reflects our respect
It's fun and it's more like a game……..